On one of those many Tuesday ultrasounds Dr. G found the real problem or maybe I should say one of the real problems. My baby had a diaphragmatic hernia. A WHAT? How bad could a hernia be? Aren't they all fixable? Despite my initial thought this was not good news. This was no regualr run of the mill hernia. So many problems could result.
My baby's heart was on the right side. It was moved by the hernia. His stomach was in his chest and that forced his heart over. Since the lungs are the last thing to grow fully his lungs would not have room to grow. Wow, I was not sure how much more bad news I could take.
I went home and straight to my computer. There was not much about CDH (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia) but I did find one support group called CHERUBS. The group was made up of people that had lost there children to this awful birth defect and to those dealing with the health issues that came with survival. I requested membership by explaining that even though I had not lost my baby yet his survival chance was 1% so I was already grieving.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Am I depressed?
The next Tuesday I was still leaking fluid but at a much slower rate. An ultrasound was done to see what things looked like. He was still there. The rest is a blur. We simply waited for the heartbeat to stop.
As Tuesday's came and went several things happened. Dr. G wanted to put me on an anti-depressant at one appt and I refused. He told me it was normal to be depressed, anyone would be. I wasn't sure what depression was, I knew I was very sad. I cried all the time. He kept pressing and got me to agree that I talk to 2 people and if they thought I was drepressed I would at least try.
I spoke to two people, I guess a therapist or psychologist and maybe a social worker. They asked me how I felt about group therapy. I told them it would not work because I would not say anything. That's all I recall. I went back to Dr G and he put me on prozac and sent me to a therapist. Now I know what you are thinking because I had all those thoughts too. PROZAC!!!!! Is he kidding me, that makes people kill people. He explained that it was the one OB's knew about giving during pregnancy. Hmmm. It took me about 3 weeks to try the prozac. It made me so sick I never took it again. So I was sent to a psychiatist so she could figure out what to give me. :-) That turned into an adventure I'll tell you about later.
As Tuesday's came and went several things happened. Dr. G wanted to put me on an anti-depressant at one appt and I refused. He told me it was normal to be depressed, anyone would be. I wasn't sure what depression was, I knew I was very sad. I cried all the time. He kept pressing and got me to agree that I talk to 2 people and if they thought I was drepressed I would at least try.
I spoke to two people, I guess a therapist or psychologist and maybe a social worker. They asked me how I felt about group therapy. I told them it would not work because I would not say anything. That's all I recall. I went back to Dr G and he put me on prozac and sent me to a therapist. Now I know what you are thinking because I had all those thoughts too. PROZAC!!!!! Is he kidding me, that makes people kill people. He explained that it was the one OB's knew about giving during pregnancy. Hmmm. It took me about 3 weeks to try the prozac. It made me so sick I never took it again. So I was sent to a psychiatist so she could figure out what to give me. :-) That turned into an adventure I'll tell you about later.
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