Birthday, say hello and goodby.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point to be able to write about this and not cry to the point I cannot see the keyboard.

It's 4 AM, it's a Tuesday and my due date. It seems like nothing happened during this pregnancy unless it was Tuesday. My other pregnancies started with natural labor. This was my first time getting Pitocin. It was also my first getting an epidural.

DR G knew this would be the only time we would get to see our son so he allowed us to video tape the entire birth. That video showed me just how lucky I was when I decided to get an epidural.

Before my legs went completely numb I felt the need to urinate. They brought a portable potty chair next to my bed telling me it was too dangerous for me to try and walk to the bathroom. As soon as I say down my water broke and it was a ton of water.

Back in bed my contractions got harder and then the epidural stopped working on one side. Wow you have not lived till you feel all your labor on just one side. And I thought natural was bad. They got me fixed up and that did not happen again. Dr G kept checking on me and after many hrs, still no baby. I told him he was not ready to come on time. My first child was born on her due date and the second one was 2 weeks early. This baby had no intention of being born on time or early.

This hospital is a teaching hospital so there were many Drs at different phases of there careers and the students. A baby being born with CDH was very rare and these Drs are not shy. They asked me if they could attend the birth. There were already so many specialist but what did I care if they could learn from this.... I delivered with what seemed like 40 people in the room.

At around 2 PM, Dr G says he is going to his office and to page him when I am closer. I said, it will be soon and he looked skeptical. Before he got more than a couple yards they called him back, I was pushing. Alicia Keys had her first CD out and I had not had time to listen to it so I brought it to the hospital. It started playing when I started pushing and I gave birth during the last second of "A Woman's Worth". I know this from watching the CD, not because I was really hearing the music.

My husband went to cut the cord when it just broke off. It was deteriorated and fragile.  Did this cause my son's problems or was it the other way around, we'll never know but I always wondered.

Baby boy did not cry, they told me he could die right before birth or right after.  I looked at the incubator and saw his eyes open. I reached for him as the Drs were trying to run away with him.  Dr G told them to stop and let me touch my son.  He was warm and he was already intubated.  He would never cry or breath on his own.  He looked big and then he was gone.