Before finding out my baby would not live I had bought a few baby things. One of these things was a white blanket that looked like snow. Once I was far enough along to realize he would be born I realized he needed to wear something for his only day of life. The DR's said, he was big so I bought another light grey outfit in case he did not fit what I had bought many months ago. The outfit had this silly looking beret but it was cute. At this point I was around 6 or 7 months pregnant and measuring a year pg. Of course I had to make many jokes about that because my Mom and Dad always said I was a yr old when I was born. I was a month late!
It might seems odd that sometimes I could laugh but as more time went by I became happier as I realized we might make it to term. I could not dream of survival so I dreamed of making it to term, that was my goal during that time. From where we began, making it to term seemed like a huge accomplishment.
I did feel sad when I would open the Sunday paper and an ad for baby furniture would fall out. If I could have bought furniture then it meant everything would have been ok. I like to decorate so to keep my mind of the obvious I would decided how I would decorate his room if I had that furniture. Most of the time I would decide I did did not like it for some reason and I would not have bought it.
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